Parenting during the teenage years can be a challenging journey, especially when it comes to addressing the topic of drugs and alcohol. The fast-growing drug epidemic is nearly impossible to keep track of, especially for caregivers. There is always a new trend waiting around the corner.
With my work with parents, I often find that even the most well-intentioned caregivers can get in their own way when having these conversations. Caregivers tend to have a lot of fear around substance use, which often shows up as criticism and judgment. If you are aware of your own feelings going into these conversations, you’re more likely to stay calm and grounded, and your child will be less defensive in response.
As adolescents navigate through newfound independence and peer influences, it’s crucial for caregivers to approach these conversations with empathy, understanding, and an open mind. Below, I describe some things to keep in mind in order to have successful talks about drug use.
Keep the Conversation Open:
Creating an environment where your teenager feels comfortable discussing sensitive topics is essential. Instead of lecturing or imposing strict rules, encourage open dialogue by actively listening to their thoughts and experiences. Share your own stories from adolescence, acknowledging that mistakes and curiosity are part of growing up. By fostering trust and openness, your teen is more likely to come to you with their concerns and questions.
Examples of active listening:
Tell me more about what you know about marijuana and its effects.
I can see why you would be curious about what drinking feels like.
Be Curious Instead of Judgmental:
Approaching the subject with curiosity rather than judgment helps build a bridge between you and your teenager. Ask open-ended questions about their views on drugs and alcohol and listen without immediately offering solutions. Understanding their perspective allows you to address concerns more effectively and helps your teen feel heard and respected. Avoid jumping to conclusions, and instead, seek to comprehend the factors influencing their choices. If your teen is experimenting, ask them about that. Perhaps they are struggling emotionally and aren’t sure how to cope in other ways. Maybe they don’t want to be seen negatively by peers, but knowing why your teenager is curious will help you navigate the conversation further.
Questions you can ask:
Have you ever seen anyone make a fool of themselves while drunk or high? How would you feel if that were you? Are you curious about what drugs or alcohol feels like? What do you think it feels like to be under the influence? How do you think your friends would feel about you if you said no?
Inform Yourself:
Stay informed about current trends, substances, and potential risks associated with drug and alcohol use. This knowledge equips you to have informed discussions with your teenager, demonstrating that you are actively engaged and concerned for their well-being. Understanding the latest research on the effects of substances allows you to communicate accurate information, dispelling myths and fostering trust between you and your teen.
Dealers often target youth on social media, using emojis to communicate about drugs. It’s important to educate your child on the dangers of taking any drugs, especially from strangers. Many pills are laced with other substances.
Many gas stations and convenience stores sell Delta-8 THC products in plain sight. These products are not regulated and can cause adverse effects. They are often marketed to teens as cookies, chocolates etc.
Arm yourself with as much information as you can, your child may not know how easy it can be to accidentally take something that is dangerous. See Resources below for more information.
Embrace Harm Reduction:
While the ultimate goal may be abstinence, harm reduction strategies can play a crucial role in keeping your teenager safe. Discuss the importance of moderation, understanding the consequences of their actions, and having an exit strategy in social situations where substances may be present. Reinforce the significance of making responsible choices, emphasizing the impact on their health, relationships, and future goals. Encouraging connection to whoever they want to speak with, even if it’s not you. This could be a coach, a family member, a therapist, or someone at school, like a teacher or counselor. They may be more open receiving this exchange from someone else. Be open to that.
Navigating the challenges of raising a teenager in a world where drugs and alcohol are prevalent requires patience, understanding, and open communication. By maintaining an open dialogue, approaching conversations with curiosity instead of judgment, staying informed, and embracing harm reduction strategies, you can foster a strong connection with your teenager. Remember that building trust is a two-way street, and your approach can significantly impact their choices and willingness to share their experiences with you.
Here are some additional resources:
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1–800–662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1–800–487–4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
